Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Pornography a Nemesis to Healthy Relationships

photo by Meredith_Farmer

As a Therapist I discourage individuals and couples from engaging in any form of pornography. I find that pornography over-stimulates the mind and interferes with an individual’s ability to engage in and maintain healthy relationships. Below are some of the ways pornography interferes.

  1. Porn creates unrealistic sexual expectations. The first thing to remember is Porn Stars are just ACTING. They are movie stars in a very specific genre of the movie field. They are selling us a story; it isn’t real. In Porn the couple is always ready for action, he is always big and hard, and she is always warm and willing. They can do it a million times in a million ways and always have out-of-this-world orgasms. This is not reality, and sets us up for great disappointment in our partner and ourselves. This artificial perception can create shame in our lack of ability to perform, create performance anxiety, and create blame and frustration that our partner isn’t delivering the way “they should”. These unrealistic expectations interfere with the natural rhythm and flow of the lovemaking process. For most couples they will sometimes have out-of-this-world orgasms, but not all the time. Various factors can inhibit our performance capabilities and we need to be able to be compassionate and understanding with our partner and ourselves in-order to have an enjoyable sexual experience regardless of the end result.

  1. Porn interferes with the natural sexual arousal process. Porn is visual and designed to target the arousal centers in your brain. Individuals who view porn are quickly turned on, and it takes little for them to get excited and want sex. Most couples need foreplay to get their minds and bodies ready for sexual activity. This off timing of arousal can create conflict, lack of emotional intimacy and connection, failed expectations, and physical injury when sex is attempted before the body is ready.

  1. Porn interferes with our desire to build healthy relationships. Healthy relationships require work and effort. Sexual experiences are a pleasurable part of creating a healthy loving fun connection with your partner. With porn you do not have to engage with another human being to achieve pleasure. This can quickly lead to a preference for solo play, decrease your ability to perform sexually with another person, and create desires for non-intimate sex-based relationships.

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